Well, I suppose today started as any other Friday.
Although, funny thing was I saw a post on facebook about someone else's blog and I didn't have a chance to read it but the title was something about the first time the author allowed himself to cry about being a diabetic. And I thought hmmmmm, interesting thought for a blog.
You would think that most people have that initial reaction at the time of diagnosis. Perhaps they do, I am sure it is different for everyone. If you would know me, I would bet a few adjectives to describe me might be: tough, strong-willed, bold, stubborn (and perhaps those are the "nice" words! LOL! Ask my husband on a bad day and you might get some different words!) So, at the time of our little girl's type 1 diabetes diagnosis 4 years ago, by telephone, I would say for about two or three minutes I may have just been stunned. At a loss for some intelligent response. Then it was time to go into "soldier mode" because I didn't want anyone else around me to fall apart. I knew this would be difficult for the family. I knew it would be difficult for my husband to accept. The twins were three-years-old at the time and for our initial hospital stay, this was the first time they had been separated.
I was the calm and rational one (which is really contrary to my ordinary personality). I did not cry. I was strong. I was upbeat and positive. I put a smile on and said "we can do this!" I was our biggest cheerleader! And I was obsessive in my pursuit of knowledge day in and day out to learn everything I could about type 1 diabetes. How best to care for my little girl. It was my job to stay strong. For all of us.
And you know, it never occurred to me that I never cried. Until last June. June 2012. THREE days before the last day of kindergarten. I started my day as any other. Kids get on the bus and go to school. I went to work. And about half-way through the day I get a phone call from the school nurse that they can't find the continuous blood glucose monitor (CGM). And PANIC strikes! My daughter wore this on a clip on her pants (similar to maybe a cell phone for comparison sake). And the search was already underway at the school. They were looking everywhere. I immediately left work and stopped at the house on the way to the school, just to see if it was there and I couldn't find it. I make it to the school and by that time the entire staff of the school is searching for this thing. Custodians were emptying trash cans (OK, and to appreciate this - it is JUNE and it is HOT and they were SMELLY and GROSS! and they were digging through these trash cans looking for her CGM for us!) AND they called in the local fire department with their metal detectors to search the playground! Have I mentioned to you how AMAZING our school and their staff are? We L-O-V-E our school!!! Bottom line, we searched all day and could not find it and had to give up.
Later that night I get a phone call. Of course I had a label on the CGM with our phone number on it. Someone had found it - YAAAAH!!!! But she said, "Wait! Don't celebrate! It is destroyed."
"Someone must have run over it with their car! We found it on the street."
And my heart sank.
Turns out the person calling was our neighbor across the street. The CGM must have popped off when she was getting on the bus that morning and at some point it had just been run over.
We met our neighbor out on the street and my daughter immediately started crying. These HUGE tears. I, again, had to be strong to let her know it would be OK.
And we went back into the house and, of course, it was 15 minutes after the medical supply company had closed for the night (not that I didn't keep trying and trying their automated system like 20 times in the off chance that I would get lucky!) so I would get no resolution that night. I had to wait until the next day.
And that night it happened. After THREE years of keeping it all together for everyone else. I went to bed that night and cried myself to sleep. Because of what she has to endure on a daily basis. Because she had to give up her "carefree" childhood. Because I couldn't take away this burden for her. What I wouldn't give to be the one with T1D and let her go on with a "normal" lifestyle.
So, today of all days, when I get a call from the school nurse saying, "she isn't wearing her CGM!" I sucked in my panic and headed for home to search and hoped this day would not be a repeat of last year. And thankfully, within minutes of walking in the door I heard the glorious sound of the "OUT OF RANGE" alarm! WHEW!!!!
But it certainly made for an appropriate fit on what to share today. Thanks for reading. Please share to help raise awareness about type 1 diabetes :-)